Updates

2015 is finally starting to look up, for me at least. The beginning was rough, very rough. But things are starting to look better. Daddy and I are in a very good place in spite of all that He is going through right now. He is opening up to me more and our relationship is getting stronger. We talked to my girlfriend about her being Daddy's sub and my sub sister, but her and her boyfriend are going through some things so we had to put that on hold. I really hope that its something that can come to fruition because I want her to have the experience of being a sub and to get the training and nurturing that she needs in order to be the best sub that she can be. Also, I want Daddy to have the experience of having two subs, and I want the experience of having a sub sister to really test and push the limits of us being poly. 

In addition to all of that, Daddy let me go to my first BDSM/swingers party. It was so much fun and I'm glad that I got that experience. I was able to meet some amazing people in the lifestyle who will be able to share lots of information with me. I got to watch both a Dom and a Domina in action with different people. I got to see all different types of play take place. I got invited to all different types of events that are occurring in the future, and that let me know that the people who I were around liked me and accepted me. They are a great group of people, and I am happy that I made some new friends within the lifestyle. What really made me happy was that the Domina was impressed by my behavior during the party and told me that I did my Daddy proud. It feels good to know that I am a good representation of His training and discipline. 

At the party I also got to play, and when I told Daddy about it he was very proud of me for opening up and trying new things. It really means something to me to have someone in my corner who is allowing me to open up and explore sexually. To know that He is not going to judge me nor hold thing that I want to try against me, but encourage me to do those things and to have fun. To  know that I am not going to lose Him because I want to try different things with different people. That helped to erase a lot of fear that I had about trying things that I want to try. It erased a lot of the fear that I had about my relationship with Dadddy period. My next goal is to get Daddy to start coming to these parties and events with me. I think that it will benefit Him and us to have other people in the lifestyle that He can talk to and learn from as well. He always asks how do Doms get the training and support that they need, and I feel that this particular group of people would be a great place to start.

And Then There Were Three

So....I FINALLY  have a girlfriend! I get all warm and fuzzy everytime I think about it. Its been a long time coming, but I have been dilligent and patient in my search. I'm happy that I waited too because I really think that I made the best decision for me and for Daddy. I've known her for almost 10 years. I've always had a girl crush on her but I've never really said anything to her. I would flirt with her own an off but it was really innocent. We lost contact with each other for a couple of years and found each other again on twitter. It was great catching up with her and reliving all of the fun we used to have back in the day. I first approached her to have a threesome with Daddy and I. Its something that he's been wanting to do for a while and I really wanted to make it happen for him. I had originally been looking for a female partner to join in and not really looking for a girlfriend for myself. When I linked back up with my #her I realized that she would be perfect. When I talked to her about it she was completely down to join lol. She's both bisexual and poly like myself. She currently is in another relationship with a guy who knows and supports her being poly.

In talking with her and Daddy about this threesome I really started to fall for her. Reading her tweets and blog posts only heightened my feelings. Did I mention that she is FAHN?!?!? When I was going through a rough patch with Daddy it was easy for me to talk to her and she understood where I was coming from and what I was feeling. She also gave me some great advice on how to deal with what I was going through. She is experienced in ways that I am not, and Daddy and I hope to learn a lot from her as well as to teach her a lot that she would like to learn from us and our dynamic. Daddy really likes her too (which is a big plus). When I mentioned jokingly about making her my girlfriend he was all for it and encouraged it. His support really meant a lot to me. I don't think that I would have entered into a relationship with her without it.

So, I haven't really come out to many people about being bi or poly. I've only told one close friend about #her, and she was immedietly jealous because she has/had a crush on me. She was actually my first choice for the threesome, but she was scared because she's never been with a woman. My friend was actually kinda upset with me when I told her becauase she felt like I should have waited on her. I feel like I made the best decision for me though, and I'm happy with it. I can't wait to see what the future holds for the three of us. Who know she may even become my sub sister. 

Love, Relationships, and Daddy

"Love doesn't have to be complicated." ~@RoofEOoh

He is absolutely right! Love does not have to be complicated. In fact it shouldn't be! Love should be the easiest and most freeing thing you experience in your life. At least that's how I feel about my Daddy. Loving Him has been the easiest thing that I've ever done. It just comes so natural. It isn't forced. Its as simple as breathing. Loving Him also set me free. It allowed me to be myself. It allowed me to love someone deserving of the type of love that I give. I no longer had to put restrictions on my love. 

"Relationships are hard work. IDK any "happy" couple that ain't working everyday to make sure they stay happy." ~@Smooth_Orator

He too is also right. Relationships do require work. Love should be easy, but relationships aren't always such, especially D/s relationships. When you're with the right person they are going to push you to be a better person, to do better, to give them your best. This requires work, and for me hard work to get my shit together. I appreciate my Daddy because He makes me want to give him my best, to be the best sub that I can possibly be for Him. Being with Him makes the work worth it, even when its not easy. His happiness is important to me, our happiness is important to me. As a submissive it is my natural instinct to serve. Whatever I do, I want it to be pleasing to my Daddy, and I want it to make Him happy. As His submissive that would make me happy, so I am willing to do the necessary work required for both of our happiness.

"A Daddy would never ask His little to put Him before her career, or family just to satisfy their own pleasure, yet will encourage independence in growth." ~from The Daddy-Dominant's Creed

 Surprisingly though, the only work my Daddy requires is for me to work on myself. My Daddy wants me to be better and to do better, but He wants me to do those things for me and for my family. I struggled with this for a while because I thought that He was trying to push me away or exclude Himself from my life. But in all reality He was just being the great Daddy that He is. He wasn't saying that He was abandoning me, but He was encouraging me to work on me for me. He was encouraging and supporting, my growth. He knew that by focusing on myself and bettering myself for me that ultimately I would be better for Him. That doing it for me would have a wider and longer-lasting effect than just doing it for Him. I love that my Daddy encourages and demands individuality. He doesn't want me to be so caught up in Him that I lose myself. He doesn't want me to change who I am for Him, but He encourages and supports my growth as a person so that I can be my authentic me. My Daddy freed me so that I could be me, and in turn submit my free self to Him. That is all that He's ever wanted, all that He's ever asked for...for me to be completely myself with Him. 

I am completely and irrevocably in love with my Daddy. That love makes even the most difficult times in our relationship worth it. His form of Dominance, while not what I expected or imagined, is exactly everything that  EYE  want and need in my life. Which leaves me with this last quote...

"If Daddy is everything you want and need, you should be the same to Him. THAT'S compromising." ~@SadisticThorn

Broken and Free

I remember when Daddy and I first started this journey He told me that He would never break what He could not fix. I kinda laughed at that. He was so gentle, so loving I couldn't imagine Him breaking anything. I didn't imagine that our journey together would be anything like this. I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting it to be this hard. I wasn't expecting all of the bumps in the road. But, as the saying goes anything worth having isn't easy.

I was wrong about my Daddy though. He broke me and indeed He fixed me. Daddy broke down all of the walls that I had constructed to protect my heart. He broke all of the barriers that I had created, all of the compartments that I kept my life in. I opened them all up to Him. Daddy broke my fear of being judged. He provides me with a safe and non-judgmental space to be myself, and although he provides the space it took so much more for me to realize that it was there and accept it. This is where the walls came down. Accepting this space is where I found my freedom. It wasn't easy though, and Daddy knew that I didn't realize how free I was at first. But He continued to demand to know all of my secrets, demanded for me to open up to Him, and reassured me that I was safe and free.

This new found freedom is worth more than gold. Its better than anything that I've ever imagined. I'm finally allowed to be myself, to express myself. No fantasy is taboo. No being shamed or labeled for wanted to try things. I'm allowed to be sexual AND be a woman and it be ok. I don't have to be afraid of my business getting out because Daddy understands the importance of discretion and keeping me safe. Its so liberating. I can admit that at first it was scary. Here I was giving my complete trust to someone. I was giving him all of my secrets, even those things I dare not utter to another soul. I was giving Him all of my fantasies, dreams, desires. I was completely open and bare with Him. I didn't want to lose that, I don't want to lose that. I want to be free, and I want to be free with Him! He broke me down to my bare soul and fixed me into a new person, a free person.

But like I said this journey wasn't easy. Life happened while I was finding this freedom. Boy oh boy did life happen, and it broke me too. Nothing is harder than feeling free and depressed at the same time. Both the journey to freedom and the journey out of depression are hard. The journey out of depression clouded my judgement and my understanding my freedom. It made it that much harder. It put a strain on my Daddy as well. As much as I like to think that He's my superhero (and He is and will always be), He's also human. Just as His actions and feelings affect me, mine affected Him. I didn't understand that until the journey out of my depression was almost complete.

Now that I am finally out of that clouded mental space I can truly appreciate my new found freedom. I actually want to explore and try and do things with my Daddy. I want to love on Him and show Him the appreciation He deserves it for not only freeing me, but for being with me on my journey through life in general. I am proud of myself for coming this far. I am proud of overcoming the obstacles that have been placed in front of me. I am proud of my Daddy for being my Daddy and my superhero. He saved me from the oppression and hurt of my past and most importantly He saved me from myself. He is truly amazing, and MINE, and I love him!

On My Knees

After months of unrest, I finally found peace. The moment He ordered me out of the bed an onto my knees I felt an overwhelming sense of calm, happiness, love...peace! Daddy and I had been going at each other for months about one thing or another. Although we had spent time with each other before that night, I would always revert back to being an overly bratty little girl shortly after my visit. Daddy had tried using sex and orgasm control as a punishment. He had even went so far as shutting me out completely. Not talking to me, not responding to me, wall completely up and I was on the other side. I can't even began to express how much that hurt. As not only a submissive, but a baby girl complete isolation from your Daddy Dom is as about as close to death as I will probably get. There were times where I wanted to die. There were times where I wanted to inflict physical pain upon myself to relieve the emotional pain I felt. I cried out for help, but nobody could help other than my Daddy. But, I had caused this upon myself, so I had to fix it myself.

Rewind back to October. I had gotten close to an associate, and I decided that I wanted to give him a shot at being more than just an associate, more than a friend. After all Daddy and I are poly so in essence I should be able to do so, with Daddy's permission. So, I did just that. I went and I sought Daddy's permission to feel this guy out, go out with him, possibly have sex with him...you know see where this could lead. Daddy said yes, but Daddy also expressed His fear that I would abandon Him. This in turn evoked fear in me because losing my Daddy would be earth shattering. So, I started this whole fight with Daddy to try to get Him to understand that He would always be number one. And we did just that for weeks, fought. I became this unbearable brat who got mad and threw a tantrum about EVERYTHING. I wanted ALL of His attention, and because we were fighting Daddy withdrew Himself more and more, until finally He just stopped talking, stopped responding. That caused me to throw the ultimate tantrum until I realized that the tantrums were the problem. I had completely forgot my submission to Him. I had forgotten how I was supposed to behave. I had forgotten to humble myself. I had forgotten that I was supposed to be serving Him. I had forgotten that even though I am a submissive and a baby girl, I am supposed to be strong and supportive. 

Fast forward to our last visit. I had gotten Him to talk to me. I had gotten Him to let me back in a little, to let the wall down a little. He missed me and I missed Him. We needed to see each other. When He walked in I didn't expect to be ordered to my knees. In all honesty, He didn't really have to. I had been longing to kneel for Him for the longest. Not that I needed to be punished to kneel for him, the right time just hadn't presented itself lately. I had been longing to see Him exert His dominant side for months. Daddy can be such a...well Daddy, but He doesn't really like to punish me at all. Anyway, He came and got in the bed with me and when I went to cuddle up under Him He said to me "you know I'm not happy with your behavior right?". Then He asked me another question, and before I could answer He ordered me out of the bed and onto my knees. Then He turned off the TV and it was there in the darkness that we both could finally see each other so clearly. It was there that I took in every gaze from His eyes, every touch from His hands, every kiss planted on my body. It was there, on my knees, that I felt free, that I felt owned, that knew that I was His. It was there with the most gentle words and touches that there was the most intense power exchange. It was there that the mental and spiritual connection between us was heightened. It was there on my now numb legs and knees that I had completely surrendered my submission to Him.  

And then I found my Daddy

Here it is...2014, and I'm in this fucked up "relationship" (if that's what you want to call it). I've done everything sexually that this man could ever ask for, and yet it wasn't enough for him. After 2.5 years I had come to terms that I would never be enough for him, and he was no longer worth my time or my effort. So, I decided to take his advice...I decided to go and find someone else, and in that process I found myself.

I never imagined that I could find someone so much like me. I never imagined that I could be so loved and accepted. I never imagined this is what my soul mate would look like.

I was introduced to the BDSM lifestyle in 2008. I was dating a guy who was in the army. He had an ex that was said to do any and everything for him sexually. She was talked about and judged for her actions, and I'll admit that I was amongst the ones who were judging her until I walked in her shoes. It was something about him that allowed me to release all control...something that demanded submission, and I gave it to him willingly. He became my "kryptonite". I craved him and his Dominance. It was such a freeing feeling. I learned from him how to submit, how to allow someone else to be in control of my life. I learned how to let go, and I realize now that this is what I have been craving for so long...an area of my life where for once someone else was in control. I was happy here until his ex decided that she wanted her spot back. So, I left them to be with each other, and I moved on with this void in my life that wouldn't be filled until I met my Daddy.

I found my Daddy by happenstance. I wasn't really looking for him and he just magically appeared in my life. I followed him on twitter at the recommendation of someone else I followed. One day he asked his TL a question and I answered. That lead to him sending me a DM and the rest is history. We weren't even talking about anything BDSM related. I don't even remember how the subject of BDSM came up, but it was revealed to me that he was a Dom and I told him I was a sub and things just progressed.

My Daddy has been everything that I have needed, everything that I have been missing in vanilla relationships since 2009. He has shown me the true definition of love and acceptance. He has allowed me to be me completely, and he cultivates the person that I am supposed to be. He supports me in all facets of my life. He nurtures me, and he's allowing me to heal from the past hurt that I have had to deal with. Sometimes I feel that my submission to him is not enough because he does so much for me. I just want to give more, do more, serve more. But, his answer is always "You're perfect". Even so, I am always working on myself to be a better sub for me and a better sub to him.