Broken and Free

I remember when Daddy and I first started this journey He told me that He would never break what He could not fix. I kinda laughed at that. He was so gentle, so loving I couldn't imagine Him breaking anything. I didn't imagine that our journey together would be anything like this. I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting it to be this hard. I wasn't expecting all of the bumps in the road. But, as the saying goes anything worth having isn't easy.

I was wrong about my Daddy though. He broke me and indeed He fixed me. Daddy broke down all of the walls that I had constructed to protect my heart. He broke all of the barriers that I had created, all of the compartments that I kept my life in. I opened them all up to Him. Daddy broke my fear of being judged. He provides me with a safe and non-judgmental space to be myself, and although he provides the space it took so much more for me to realize that it was there and accept it. This is where the walls came down. Accepting this space is where I found my freedom. It wasn't easy though, and Daddy knew that I didn't realize how free I was at first. But He continued to demand to know all of my secrets, demanded for me to open up to Him, and reassured me that I was safe and free.

This new found freedom is worth more than gold. Its better than anything that I've ever imagined. I'm finally allowed to be myself, to express myself. No fantasy is taboo. No being shamed or labeled for wanted to try things. I'm allowed to be sexual AND be a woman and it be ok. I don't have to be afraid of my business getting out because Daddy understands the importance of discretion and keeping me safe. Its so liberating. I can admit that at first it was scary. Here I was giving my complete trust to someone. I was giving him all of my secrets, even those things I dare not utter to another soul. I was giving Him all of my fantasies, dreams, desires. I was completely open and bare with Him. I didn't want to lose that, I don't want to lose that. I want to be free, and I want to be free with Him! He broke me down to my bare soul and fixed me into a new person, a free person.

But like I said this journey wasn't easy. Life happened while I was finding this freedom. Boy oh boy did life happen, and it broke me too. Nothing is harder than feeling free and depressed at the same time. Both the journey to freedom and the journey out of depression are hard. The journey out of depression clouded my judgement and my understanding my freedom. It made it that much harder. It put a strain on my Daddy as well. As much as I like to think that He's my superhero (and He is and will always be), He's also human. Just as His actions and feelings affect me, mine affected Him. I didn't understand that until the journey out of my depression was almost complete.

Now that I am finally out of that clouded mental space I can truly appreciate my new found freedom. I actually want to explore and try and do things with my Daddy. I want to love on Him and show Him the appreciation He deserves it for not only freeing me, but for being with me on my journey through life in general. I am proud of myself for coming this far. I am proud of overcoming the obstacles that have been placed in front of me. I am proud of my Daddy for being my Daddy and my superhero. He saved me from the oppression and hurt of my past and most importantly He saved me from myself. He is truly amazing, and MINE, and I love him!