Spiritual Aspect of BDSM 102

In my last post I kinda touched the tip of the iceberg about BDSM and how it relates to spirituality. It was a very much in the moment post. It started with a twitter conversation that I felt that I needed to get more in depth about. The responses to that post truly humbled me. It also showed me that there is a need for this type of information to be shared. I also did a poll on twitter and it seems like some of the people who read Spiritual Aspects of BDSM 101 would be interested in me doing a series on the topic of Sacred Spirituality and the use of energy in sex. So that is something that I'm going to work on putting together and having available on my website. I will probably do some blended learning which means there will be written as well as video content. I will definitely offer a private question and answer session, and I will consider doing a group chat of sorts if I see that people are comfortable with that sort of thing. Please know you can always come to me with any questions that you may have about the topic (or anything in general). I am very open about my life and I am here as a resource. You can DM me on twitter: @tresmoongoddess. You can email me at kitchenwitch216@gmail.com or you can send me a google hangouts message using the same email address.

Just to give you a little background information on me. I have been a submissive for almost 9 years now. I have had 4 Dominants and numerous play partners. I have been polyamorous probably since I've started dating in the 7th grade, and I came out as bisexual 3 years ago, although I've know that I was attracted to both men and women for over 15 years. I have known my current Dominant for a couple of lifetimes. He is my twin flame and we have a very endearing story. In this lifetime I have known Him a little over a year and we function in an open relationship. In a previous lifetime we were married. We are super connected and I am happy that we have made our way back to each other yet again.

So lets dig a little deeper into the subject of Spirituality and BDSM.....

SPIRITUAL ASPECTS OF BDSM 102

Hopefully my previous post helped you to understand the general relatedness between BDSM and Spirituality. In this post I want to go a little bit further and talk about how this spirituality or energy actually works in a relationship dynamic.

When you look at a relationship from the BDSM lens you generally have a Dominant and a submissive or D/s. Some relationships may look like Master and slave or M/s. The D/s or M/s is all in how the agreement between the parties are set up. I will say in general, the difference between a submissive and a slave is the amount of control that is given to the Dominant/Master. While submissives can retain some say so in the relationship, slaves relinquish complete control over to their Master. But, before I get into control and energy exchange, I want to talk about the energy that the Dominant and submissive possess.

All energy has a masculine and feminine aspects. However, that does not mean that only males have masculine energy and females have feminine energy.Everyone and everything possesses both, there just may be more of one than the other present. The whole idea of Spirituality is the balance of these energies. When looking at the D/s relationship dynamic, the Dominant possesses the majority of the masculine energy and the submissive possesses the majority of the feminine energy. The joining of the Dominant and the submissive then creates a balance of masculine and feminine energy and a space where that energy can flow between the two, this is the energy exchange that occurs in the relationship. 

I want to take a minute before I move forward to reiterate that masculine and feminine does not equal male and female! When looking at energies one has to remove physical body parts. A male can have predominately feminine energy and a female can have predominantly masculine energy. This can be seen when looking at a person's sexual preference as well as sexual identity. A woman may choose to be butch or sexually identify as male and be attracted to other women because she possesses more masculine energy. A woman may also still identify as a woman and be attracted to other women because she is attracted to the feminine energy that other women possess. I will use myself as an example. I am bisexual (probably more pansexual) meaning that I am attracted to both masculine and feminine energies. I sexually identify as a woman possessing feminine energy; however, I love to exchange feminine energy just as much as I love to exchange masculine energy.

The energy exchange that occurs at the relationship level is different from the energy exchange that happens at the play partner or sexual level of BDSM. I think of sexual energy as pure and raw. It can either be light or dark, masculine or feminine. But, that exchange is intermittent, it happens in that moment only. Energy exchange on a relationship level is a continual exchange.

Lets start with the submissive or feminine energy in a dynamic. Don't think of a submissive as meek, docile, or someone you can run over. THAT IS NOT HOW THIS SHIT GOES! It takes a VERY strong person to submit to someone else, and there is a decades long debate about who actually holds the power in a D/s dynamic. Many would say that its actually the submissive that does, as (s)he is required to release that power/control for the Dominant to even have it. The feminine energy that a submissive possesses is very motherly and nurturing. A good submissive desires to please her Dominant and actually gets pleasure from doing such, just as feminine energy takes pleasure in nurturing others. Note that pleasing a Dominant is not always sexual. It can be anything from completing assigned tasks to domestic services. As a submissive I view it as my job to ensure that ALL of my Dominants needs are taken care of.

The Dominant or masculine energy in the dynamic is very fatherly or protective. (S)He ensures that the submissive is safe and secure. The Dominant provides the submissive with a space where (s)he can be his/herself completely. (S)He also ensures that the submissive's needs are taken care of. (S)He often makes sure that the submissive is taking care of his/herself, as sometimes we neglect these things in our caring for others. The Dominant takes the control/power/energy released by the submissive and uses it for the greatest good of the union. (S)He protects this energy, and does not abuse it.

In a D/s dynamic (relationship) this exchange of feminine and masculine energy is cyclical. There is a constant exchange of masculine and feminine energy between the parties. YES, this means at times the Dominant will be in a submissive position and vice versa. A real Dominant will have no problems being vulnerable and in a submissive place with His/Her sub(s). This dynamic is ALL about vulnerability and trust. You have to be able to bare your soul to your partner(s) and be able to trust that they have your greatest good at heart in order for this type of dynamic to work. You have to be open to give and receive energy both masculine and feminine, light and dark. This is how the balance is created. The flow of the energy between the parties happens so that there is always balance and alignment.

So how is this different from a vanilla (regular) relationship? D/s (M/s) relationships help to remove a lot of the 3D (worldly dimension) stereotypes, beliefs, mindsets, etc. of what a relationship is or should look like. It does not follow society's rules. In fact one of the major tenets of a D/s relationship is all the parties involved work together to create the rules that best serve the union. Most people who have been in a D/s relationship will tell you that it is deeper than a vanilla relationship. There is more vulnerability and trust. There is more openness simply because you don't have the judgment of society pressuring you to be a certain way.

I look at it in levels. A vanilla relationship is on the bottom level. A D/s dynamic (relationship) is the middle level. A twin flame relationship is the top level. My D/s relationships really helped to prepare me for my twin flame. In my next post I will talk about this process. How I ascended from vanilla to twin flame and my transformation along the way.